TAKEN AGAINST YOUR WILL by Jackie McCartney

The smell of sweat
Heavy weight upon your chest
Rough beard on your skin
Cuts your body to pieces
Nauseated with body odour
Aggressive hands all over you
Screaming in your head
No no no leave me alone
You switch off
It’s not happening to you
You leave your body to keep safe

When you awake
Your bruised, sore an ache
But no one notices or cares

DAD by David Anderson (contains strong language)

I hated my Dad
I’d wrote it on my bedroom wall
In black marker pen
Behind the wardrobe
Beside the mouldy carpet
That lay in a pile in the corner
The week before mum went to hospital
She’d taken a nervous breakdown
He told me it was my fault
He had a hangover that day
They took me away soon after
My mum visited sometimes
She was a good mum
Though not one for kissing it better

I hated my Dad
He left for London
Days after I was taken away
To get a ‘good’ job
So, “things will be better, you’ll see”
I didn’t see him for a year
I blamed my mother
Took explosive and violent tantrums
Either before, during or after every visit
At the time, I didn’t know why
I thought I was a bad person
That my Dad was right
To have called me a little bastard
Or a useless little cunt

I hated my Dad
He turned up unexpectedly one day
With the barmaid from his local
He always did like a drink
He was balder than before
She was blonde and silent
I burst out crying
Hugged him with all my might
I told him I loved him
He arranged to see me the next day
Under the clock in the shopping centre
I wore my best clothes
He didn’t turn up
I went stealing instead

I hated my Dad
As I grew up
I found out what a father could be
My anger consumed me
I lashed out at the wrong people
Latched on to the wrong people
10 years later
I saw him at my Grandad’s funeral
He made my little brother cry
I gave him a black eye
The fight split the family further
He died an alcoholic soon after
I didn’t go to the funeral
Even though I loved my Dad

Now, as I write these new lines
My two boys lie sleeping
Their lives are full of love
Security, surety, serenity
They have never known
What it is to be alone
To wish for a ‘good’ Dad
They tell me they love me
As naturally as the leaves fall
I am soothed and smitten
I vow to do more for them
Keep the flame of love burning bright
So they grow up to be good guys
And hopefully love their Dad

BUILDING BLOCKS by David Anderson

After an age
A long time coming
Exactly on time coming

A lull in the storm
A thawing of the ice
A break in the rain

A fire was lit
The warmth felt
Hearts warmed

The clock stopped
The door opened
The world spun

Hardly perceptible
Barely noticeable
There and then gone again

The head looked up
Her eyes spoke
Trust passed between us

Freely given
No strings attached
For all the right reasons

ALONE AGAIN by Jackie McCartney

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I’m locked in my room
I’m lonely, I’m cold, I’m hungry
I hear voices
They need to see me
They need to talk to me
The nasty adults tell then
I’m asleep
I thought they had come
To rescue me
But they left
Never saw me
Never spoke to me
I was left in hell
My voice unheard
My pain not seen
It’s okay
The window is there
I will go myself
They will not notice
I climb out into the
Nights cold air

🙁 5yrs old

A guiding light of hope…

Your Life Your Story celebrate the success of another care experienced author. Jarone Macklin-Page tells readers that ‘The Founder Seeds: Awakening’ is a story that was born in the time that he lived in the care sector, “a world where, unfortunately, for too many, their dreams often die.” Jarone tells us that the book was born in defiance, and is… “For all of you who deserve to dream, and who are capable of more than you know.”

“Without the love and support I was shown from the care sector, my dreams would have been lost, like so many others.”

Available now at Amazon.co.uk

ACHING HEART by Jackie McCartney

For as long as I can remember
My heart has ached
It has been heavy
It has hurt
It has been empty

For as long as I could remember
I’ve wanted a parents love
Embrace
Kindness and warmth

For as long as I could remember
I’ve wanted to be wanted
To be cared for
An loved

For as long as I could remember
I have been strong
Because being strong
Is all I’ve known

For as long as I could remember
I’ve wanted to belong
To be cherished
To matter
To be heard

4745 DAYS AS A CHILD OF THE STATE by Jackie McCartney

4745 days of being abused
4745 days of being beaten
4745 days of being neglected
4745 days of hearing you’re not good enough
4745 days of being told you’re unwanted
4745 days of reaching out an no one cared
4745 of asking for help an ignored
4745 days of being told no one loves you or ever will
4745 days of being rejected
4745 days of despair