A Colour Full Life ‘A tribute to Yusuf Paul’ by Tasmin Trevorrow

From this window, like the moon, we close the distance

The distance between you and our collective sorrow

With thoughts and verse, a kaleidoscope of painted hues that we somehow hope will capture the essence The essence of you.

Man of purple: the serene stability of blue transcending all inflicted wounds

bleeding calm instead of hate combined with the fierce energy of red resolute committed fixed certain uncompromising.

Representing wisdom and dignity both of which you treasured.

Power and ambition both of which you grasped.

Devotion and creativity both of which you lived.

Man of Black: without black all colours have no depth

No depth or variation

Representing Strength and Authority both of which you embodied

Elegance and sophistication both of which you carried so well.

Like the first flash of dawn you brightened our lives with the colour of hope,

hope that our united voice could make a difference.

That our swallowed pain could come forth in restorative truth manifested into life giving

power… Power and strength for future generations of the forgotten child.

You took the box full of darkness meant to destroy you and peeled it from your innocence

You found an adventure of colour in penned word and painted canvas

You brightened everything with your passion

Though your days with us were brief you brought life love and peace

We will not look for you only in memory

We will see you in in every inspired work of art

In every poem of justice hoped for and truth told

In every beautiful rhythm of world music echoing eternal tones

Although we now grieve your loss

You will always dwell in that sacred place

Of our collective love

Where no wraith of loss will ever be able to hold you captive again

May you continue to inspire us

Until we again see your beautiful face

In that place where no tear falls and there are no more goodbyes

Until then we will salute you and celebrate your life full of colour

Your Colour Full Life.

Taz Trev

TAKEN AGAINST YOUR WILL by Jackie McCartney

The smell of sweat
Heavy weight upon your chest
Rough beard on your skin
Cuts your body to pieces
Nauseated with body odour
Aggressive hands all over you
Screaming in your head
No no no leave me alone
You switch off
It’s not happening to you
You leave your body to keep safe

When you awake
Your bruised, sore an ache
But no one notices or cares

DAD by David Anderson (contains strong language)

I hated my Dad
I’d wrote it on my bedroom wall
In black marker pen
Behind the wardrobe
Beside the mouldy carpet
That lay in a pile in the corner
The week before mum went to hospital
She’d taken a nervous breakdown
He told me it was my fault
He had a hangover that day
They took me away soon after
My mum visited sometimes
She was a good mum
Though not one for kissing it better

I hated my Dad
He left for London
Days after I was taken away
To get a ‘good’ job
So, “things will be better, you’ll see”
I didn’t see him for a year
I blamed my mother
Took explosive and violent tantrums
Either before, during or after every visit
At the time, I didn’t know why
I thought I was a bad person
That my Dad was right
To have called me a little bastard
Or a useless little cunt

I hated my Dad
He turned up unexpectedly one day
With the barmaid from his local
He always did like a drink
He was balder than before
She was blonde and silent
I burst out crying
Hugged him with all my might
I told him I loved him
He arranged to see me the next day
Under the clock in the shopping centre
I wore my best clothes
He didn’t turn up
I went stealing instead

I hated my Dad
As I grew up
I found out what a father could be
My anger consumed me
I lashed out at the wrong people
Latched on to the wrong people
10 years later
I saw him at my Grandad’s funeral
He made my little brother cry
I gave him a black eye
The fight split the family further
He died an alcoholic soon after
I didn’t go to the funeral
Even though I loved my Dad

Now, as I write these new lines
My two boys lie sleeping
Their lives are full of love
Security, surety, serenity
They have never known
What it is to be alone
To wish for a ‘good’ Dad
They tell me they love me
As naturally as the leaves fall
I am soothed and smitten
I vow to do more for them
Keep the flame of love burning bright
So they grow up to be good guys
And hopefully love their Dad

BUILDING BLOCKS by David Anderson

After an age
A long time coming
Exactly on time coming

A lull in the storm
A thawing of the ice
A break in the rain

A fire was lit
The warmth felt
Hearts warmed

The clock stopped
The door opened
The world spun

Hardly perceptible
Barely noticeable
There and then gone again

The head looked up
Her eyes spoke
Trust passed between us

Freely given
No strings attached
For all the right reasons

ALONE AGAIN by Jackie McCartney

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I’m locked in my room
I’m lonely, I’m cold, I’m hungry
I hear voices
They need to see me
They need to talk to me
The nasty adults tell then
I’m asleep
I thought they had come
To rescue me
But they left
Never saw me
Never spoke to me
I was left in hell
My voice unheard
My pain not seen
It’s okay
The window is there
I will go myself
They will not notice
I climb out into the
Nights cold air

🙁 5yrs old

ACHING HEART by Jackie McCartney

For as long as I can remember
My heart has ached
It has been heavy
It has hurt
It has been empty

For as long as I could remember
I’ve wanted a parents love
Embrace
Kindness and warmth

For as long as I could remember
I’ve wanted to be wanted
To be cared for
An loved

For as long as I could remember
I have been strong
Because being strong
Is all I’ve known

For as long as I could remember
I’ve wanted to belong
To be cherished
To matter
To be heard

4745 DAYS AS A CHILD OF THE STATE by Jackie McCartney

4745 days of being abused
4745 days of being beaten
4745 days of being neglected
4745 days of hearing you’re not good enough
4745 days of being told you’re unwanted
4745 days of reaching out an no one cared
4745 of asking for help an ignored
4745 days of being told no one loves you or ever will
4745 days of being rejected
4745 days of despair

THE CHOSEN ONE by Jackie McCartney

The door is ajar

The light shines through

The shadow is looking in

The big heavy steps on the floor move forward

The door is ajar

An the heavy breathing is on your neck

The smell of bad breath up your nose

The door is ajar

You are the chosen one tonight